Balance
by orpheneritus
Summary: Watanuki's stubborn independence still annoys him. In particular when he is gagging on the smell of opressing spirits and would rather risk upheaving his breakfast on Himawari's shoes than requesting Doumeki to take one step closer. [DoumekiWatanuki]


Balance by orpheneritus

Doumeki isn't the type of person who spends time examining his reasons or motivations for doing things. He leaves the internalisation to Watanuki, who at times falls so deeply into himself, Doumeki must make some effort to irritate him.

So he's surprised by his hesitation.

When Yuuko tells him of a way to save Watanuki's right eyesight, he hesitates with his answer. It is less than a second, shorter than a heartbeat, but it is there and he feels it. So it is certain that Yuuko feels it too.

She says nothing.

He wonders at his momentary anxiety. Wonders if it has grown from selfishness or a shallow love of archery. But in the moments between agreeing to sacrifice half his right eyesight and the moment when Watanuki takes him inside his body he understands his reasons for hesitating. The reason for that momentary pause, in what should be a choice with no hesitations.

He doesn't think Watanuki will accept his gift.

Sitting alone in an empty room of his grandfather's vast temple he waits for the moment that he can feel, but not see. Between every second, he never believes that Watanuki will take the sight he's given to Yuuko.

It is a gentle sensation. A chill breeze lifting the hairs from his skin, a quiver, then the slow and irreversible dissolve of peripheral vision, as Watanuki's mouth closes over his sacrifice and sight blossoms in the eye that he's lost to Lady Jorougumo.

Doumeki feels the ties between them cinch tighter, and for the first time since they met it is a bind that Watanuki willingly submits to.

They don't speak of it.

Watanuki's overly stiff manner warns him sufficiently when he holds out a bento box and says, 'Take it.'

Happily Doumeki takes the bento box, which is Watanuki-speak for thank you. The bento is larger than usual. When he comments with an enquiring lift of his eyebrow, Watanuki says he is unusually hungry.

They eat outside, leaning back against the trunk of a large elm. Watanuki's head rotates constantly on the outlook for Himawari, who mentions possibly stopping by if she has time.

When Watanuki seems sufficiently calm he talks of the strange things he can see through their shared vision. Watanuki's reaction is predictable… and loud, but his energy falters quickly and Doumeki can see that it really bothers him. So he mentions it as little as possible, leaving out the things that seem incidental or unimportant.

He keeps Watanuki always on his left, where he can see him properly, though sometimes Watanuki is difficult and insists on standing on his right. Doumeki doesn't know if it is because Watanuki wants to seem him properly or because Watanuki doesn't want to be seen by him.

Doumeki thinks everything will be different between them, but he is wrong.

He tries not to take offense at Watanuki's continual refusal to accept his help, because somehow he knows it has more to do with Watanuki than with him.

But Watanuki's stubborn independence still annoys him. In particular when he is gagging on the smell of oppressing spirits and would rather risk upheaving his breakfast on Himawari's shoes then requesting Doumeki to take a step closer.

So he's surprised when Watanuki leans against the fence with a scowl around and says, 'I need to ask you a favour.'

He doesn't mean to raise his eyebrows in surprise, but when Watanuki huffs in an irritated manner, he knows he's done it already. Doumeki schools his face into a neutral expression. 'Oh?' he replies casually.

Watanuki glances back over his shoulder into the empty lot behind him. Doumeki has come to accept that there is a house on the lot that he cannot see. It is easier to think that the house cannot be seen by him, than to think that Watanuki disappears in the afternoons and reappears in the mornings. As if he doesn't exist in the moments between.

'Can you pick up these items at the supermarket?' he asks handing over a list. 'I can't leave the store at the moment.'

Doumeki takes the list from his hand, he's about to ask why when Watanuki looks distractedly out into the street, his right eye catching the light and revealing the partial blindness. He figures it must be one of those situations, though he cannot see anything himself. So he nods, because its school holidays and Watanuki rarely asks him to do anything that doesn't involve disappearing.

He doesn't see Watanuki for days after dropping the groceries back. He can't go around to the store so he invites Himawari to his archery competition knowing that in the same perverse manner in which she does everything, she will not fail to invite Watanuki.

He spots Himawari in the crowd almost immediately. She waves to him and he nods back, scanning the crowd for Watanuki, who is nowhere to be seen. He finishes in sixth place. Much lower than before losing part of his sight, but his climb back to the top is steady.

She waits for him to change and they walk back together.

'Did you ask him to come?' he says.

She nods and adjusts her bag on her shoulder. 'I did. Yesterday. He said he couldn't leave the store.'

Himawari doesn't seem to think much of Watanuki's absence, but something must be wrong, because there is not much that would make Watanuki turn down a personal invite from Himawari.

Detouring by Watanuki's apartment building, he knocks on the door of the third story walk up, but there is no answer and no sound from within.

'You have to come back on Saturday.'

Doumeki turns to find a man standing behind him brandishing a newspaper at him. 'I'm sorry?' he replies.

'If you want to see the apartment you have to come back on Saturday. That's the day I'm showing it and I don't change my times.'

'How long has it been available?' he asks.

The old man shrugs and replies, 'No more than a fortnight.'

He gets put through to voice mail when he calls Watanuki. 'Why are you living at the store?' he asks of the empty electronics, receiving, of course, no answer. It's the first time he's ever called Watanuki, though he's had the number for more than a year.

He waits outside the gate. Looking into the emptiness and weeds, trying to discern some outline of residence in the shadowed grounds. He sees nothing. But he feels the watching. He thinks it's Watanuki, but isn't sure.

The feeling of being watched comes and goes throughout the day, but as the sun wanes the frequency picks up and he feels the prickle of irritation that could only be coming from one so practiced as his school peer.

It is night when she appears at the gates,

He shakes his head.

'Did you expect Watanuki?' Yuuko asks with a wide smile.

Doumeki nods. 'I did, but I shouldn't have.'

'He wants you to leave,' she says holding out a bento box.

Doumeki takes the food gratefully. 'He always does.'

'So you're staying then?'

He nods. 'You already knew that.'

Yuuko only raises a finely shaped eyebrow. 'Of course. That's why I brought you an umbrella.'

'Are you going to let him do this?' he asks quietly.

'I can't interfere with his wish.' she replies slowly. Doumeki stings with the irony of every little thing Watanuki and he have been forced to do. 'It is a valid path for Watanuki.'

'To become a shut in?'

'It is one answer, Doumeki… of course you are the other answer.' She pauses and looks into the sky, seeing something that he cannot. 'It's probably best, I think, if you change his mind as soon as you can. The liquor store doesn't deliver and we're running frightfully low.'

'How exactly am I to do that?' He growls darkly. 'He is inside a building that I can't see.'

Yuuko shakes a long finger in his face. 'Careful Doumeki, don't ask me questions that you don't really need me to answer.'

'Always a price, huh?'

'A fair price,' she smiles turning back to the gates. 'Doumeki, did you really think it would be this easy? That one acceptance would change everything?'

He thinks about it for a moment. 'Yeah. I really did.'

She shakes her head softly. 'There will be many sacrifices required, Doumeki, to bind the ties that you and Watanuki will need.'

As she disappears into the unseen house he wonders how many parts of himself he will lose to the strange connection that runs between them. How easily will he hand over parts of himself to complete parts of Watanuki and to what end it will all come? These would be the questions for which the price to answer would be too high. Or perhaps not even Yuuko can see that much about Watanuki destined future.

So Doumeki does what Doumeki does best and irritates Watanuki with his continued presence.

When it starts to rain he props the umbrella in his elbow and tries not to get too wet. He even makes a halfhearted attempt at rinsing the bento box in the rain. He is certain that Watanuki stands just on the other side of the gate, he can feel the waves of barely controlled outrage rolling over him. It is confirmed when he sees his own profile from Watanuki's vision.

'I would've preferred fugu…' he remarks to the empty space behind him.

'Fugu!' Watanuki splutters indignantly. 'You should be grateful I made you anything at all, standing out here…'

Doumeki looks into the gate again and grunts. 'I don't talk to invisible people. Get out here if you want to tell me off.'

'I can't,' he replies.

'Did you lose a leg?'

'You know what I meant.' The tips of his fingers appear on the post. Doumeki waits quietly. Watanuki is leaning on the same post, they are almost side by side. 'Why can't you just be happy for me? Don't you see, my wish has been granted.'

'Granted?'

'I didn't understand before, but I see it now. This shop is my answer. On the grounds of the shop I'm safe. I can't see them outside and they can't touch me. I'll be happy here.' Watanuki's shoulder is visible now.

Doumeki is certain he's never been so angry. His hands are trembling with the force of his restraint the effort of not yelling, of not telling him the idiocy of his answer. If he yells Watanuki will lose it, and he'll never see him again.

His hand clamps down over Watanuki's one visible hand. The other boy pulls away with a start. But Doumeki holds steady, until Watanuki can realise that he will not yank him unwillingly from his sanctuary. Not yet…

'So you won't finish school?' Doumeki asks gentling his grip a little laying his fingers over Watanuki's thinner more graceful fingers.

Watanuki shifts beneath his hand. 'No. You're angry,' he says.

Doumeki is furious. 'There are other answers to your wish.'

'No—'

'Yes.' Doumeki interrupts. 'There's Kudakitsune, Mokona… there's me. We are also answers.'

'No. I've already taken too much…'

'Taken?' Doumeki tightens his grip on Watanuki and pulls him out from the grounds, his umbrella clatters to the ground. Watanuki scrambles violently to press back up against the fence. 'I gave it to you, Watanuki.'

Watanuki sinks back against the wall, the water darkening his hair and shirt. 'It was too much. I shouldn't have taken it.

Doumeki rarely uses his height against others, but it is cold and the rain is running down his neck and soaking into his jumper and he needs to get Watanuki to see the simplest of truths. 'I do not accept your guilt.' Watanuki's eyes widen as he leans in. 'It was offered and a price was paid, a fair price, it has already been balanced.'

Doumeki waits through the silence, waits, and then Watanuki gives the smallest nod. 'Then you will leave the shop and come to school as normal.'

'It's getting worse,' Watanuki says leaning back into the fence beside him. 'They are everywhere, swarming around me, filling my mouth with there stench. If I'm alone… alone, I can barely stand it. They're watching me.'

He understands better now. The looks that cross his face, he can see them sometimes in his eye, the ones that scare Watanuki the most. 'Do you hate this world?'

He nods then shakes his head. 'Sometimes, and yet… I'm becoming easy within it. The store, the strange happenings, Mokona even Yuuko… I'm beginning to see my pattern within theirs… I don't think we can leave Doumeki.'

'No, I don't think we can,' Doumeki replies. 'So if we can't leave, we should learn to live.'

'How?' Watanuki asks with a frustrated frown.

'Get stronger I guess,' Doumeki replies with a certain nod.

'Like it's that easy,' Watanuki replies with a snort.

Doumeki leans in towards Watanuki. 'You think it's that hard?'

'I don't know, maybe?' Watanuki replies.

'Or maybe it is easy…' Doumeki slides his hand down Watanuki's arms and closes it around his wrist. Watanuki's eyes widen as he leans in closer towards him until his mouth brushes faintly across the other boy's ear. 'Maybe it is as simple as saying a word.'

'What word?' Watanuki questions softly.

'_Kimihiro.'_

Watanuki tenses within his grip, a gasp releasing in a puff of air. His body opens against Doumeki, no movement, just a feeling of openness that had never existed before, as Watanuki soaks in the sounds of his own name. Sounds denied to him for a long time.

'_Kimihiro_. Watanuki Kimihiro,' he says it again for the other boy, watching as his eyes slide shut, relived from his longing.

His name rolls gently over Doumeki's lips, softly spilling forth without stutter or unnaturalness. And he knows that the name Kimihiro will only ever be spoken that way. For a while he just rests, ignoring the rain, enjoying the release.

It is Watanuki's hand on his shoulder that brings him around. Watanuki moves languidly in a way he doesn't normally associate with his tense and overemotional classmate.

'Doumeki. So we are balanced.' Watanuki leans closer and Doumeki lowers his head. Watanuki's hand tightens around his arm. His hair trails briefly across Doumeki's cheek as Watanuki presses up to whisper in his ear. '_Shizuka_.'

Doumeki quivers at the feel of Watanuki so close. 'Doumeki Shizuka. Thank you.'

He feels the ties cinch tighter between them.


End file.
